went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
