better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
