No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize