Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
