Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
