the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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