i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
