I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
