Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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