I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Randomize
