...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
