He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
