Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
