Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
