If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
