This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
