Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
