What tipped you off? The sombrero?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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