If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
