my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
