i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize