i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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