your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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