i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
