The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
