All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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