Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
this just has baby written all over it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My life is pants optional.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
