i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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