Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
