Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
