new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
