Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
