What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize