were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
