Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
