apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
