I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize