So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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