fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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