I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We are two peas in an std pod
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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