Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
