so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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