The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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