I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
where are my eyebrows?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
