He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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