New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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