spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
