he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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