I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
