some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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