oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
