In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
