headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize