the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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