Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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