I wish my penis had an off switch
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
