I looked at my own cervix.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
