After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
