I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize