Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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