a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
