it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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