I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
