ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
