My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
