i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
