How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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