4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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