My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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