New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What a dumb baby whore.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
