dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
