He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
