remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
