we're chasing vodka with high fives
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
