We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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