About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
