Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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