Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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