He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
