"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
