one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
