He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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