I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
