btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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