Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
