my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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