I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
