how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize