You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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